A Labor of Love: Meet Clarke & J.R.
|Thank you TH for the best coming home present ever...my STORKS!!|
Before I knew it, I started to feel sick. I mean really sick. I yelled to my TM to grab me a bowl, I was going to vomit. And vomit I did....(sorry, gross I know). With my nausea not going anywhere soon, I started to get pretty anxious about the car ride to the hospital. It was nearing 10:30 and the thought of even being in a moving vehicle made me feel that much sicker. I told the troops it was time to get this party really started. They loaded the passenger seat with towels, made sure we had all our bags and I held tight to my trusty bowl. We made it to Newport Beach in no time and soon my TH was wheeling me up to the floor where the magic would happen. I continued to focus on my breath and visualize myself feeling better.
As soon as I was checked in and it was confirmed I was going into labor, Doula Nic bustled around making sure the room was Hypno ready. A beautiful picture of a rose opening (supposed to represent my cervix) was placed over the clock so that my labor wouldn't be set to a time. I was just to go into my body and let it and my baby boys do what they knew how to do...be born. With my surges coming on strong, I had the insane and overwhelming urge to push. Is it really time already?! No, that couldn't be it. But what was it? I looked at Doula Nic with tears in my eyes and asked her what to do. My body was telling me to push (and scream) through the surges and wasn't that what I was supposed to do? It was the only thing that felt right. She redirected me to my breath, holding my eye contact the entire time and setting the pace for my breathing. Some of my most vivid memories of labor are looking into her eyes as we breathed as one through each surge.
|Nearly 39 weeks pregnant belly!|
Alas, the time had come; to fully accept medical intervention. If I wanted to stay on the path of avoiding a C-section, then it was either an epidural (to let my body rest and hopefully the break would allow things to move forward) or drugs (to speed up the surges and get my body back on track). After a lot of discussion and even more tears, I decided to go with the epidural. I had worked hard to stay relaxed for 16 hours, but I was fearful if my surges sped up anymore I wouldn't be able to stay ahead of them as I was barely staying ahead of the urge to push as it was. Once the anesthesiologist came in at 10am and gave me the epidural, I felt nothing. I laid down, asked my Thriving Mommy to help me brush my teeth from bed and was instructed to try and get some sleep. I did my best to relax and just wait/pray that the birth plan I had worked so hard to create and practice would finally be mine again.
The epidural that was supposed to allow my body to rest and my surges to come back naturally wasn't doing as we had hoped. It was time to introduce more medication to hopefully get my body surging again. Little by little they slowly increased the dosage in hopes my uterus would kick into gear. It didn't. Next step? Take me off the meds for 30 minutes to let my body rest then we would try again. No matter how much I put it out in the Universe that it would happen and saw my body responding to the interventions, my mommy parts were kaput. My poor uterus had been working for 24 hours straight and had no more to give. Despite my boys being strong and stable, my doctor's concerns quickly shifted from their health to mine. There was no more time to waste, there were no other options to consider. I was now getting into the territory of risking infection as well as hemorrhaging; it was time to face the most special circumstance of them all...a cesarean.
I was terrified. I was incredibly upset and felt that I had somehow been robbed of something I not only wanted more than anything, but also something I had also prepared for for MONTHS. After my third breakdown of the day, I was again reminded that part of my training was to accept special circumstances and be confident in the choices I made. So, that is exactly what I did. I accepted that I had done all I could do for myself and my boys. After 26 hours of labor, I was wheeled in where I again allowed myself to fall into a deep level of relaxation and peace. Within minutes I heard my two boys crying and full of life. I too started to cry as I was overcome with joy, relief and utter exhaustion. As they were laid on my chest and I felt their little heart beats against mine, the past 26 hours were erased and every second that had passed was all worth it.
Despite my labor not going as I had planned, I am so thankful for all I experienced. I now feel I have experienced the many stages of labor and learned so much along the way. After the boys were born we learned that my Clarke (twin A) had his cord wrapped around his neck twice, so I know now that I wasn't progressing in labor because my body was keeping him safe. Had I gone through a natural birth as I had hoped, he would have been in distress and the outcome of a cesarean may have been the same. No matter what happened, it all ended in the best outcome possible; a healthy mommy and two healthy babies.
|JR is on the left, he is our "Old Man Winter" and Clarke is on the right, he is our "Baby Dragon"|
I would like to give a huge, massive, enormous thank you to my doula, partner, friend and most thriving of wives, Nic. You not only took time to prepare me for this day months prior, but you kept me motivated and strong every step of the way. I will never truly be able to thank you or show you how grateful I am for all you did for myself and my family. We are so lucky to have you and you are incredibly talented. Your future clients are so lucky to have you by their side throughout their birth experience just as I was. From the bottom of my heart and uterus, thank you!
I would also like to thank my amazing TH for all his support and love as well as my Thriving Mommy for making sure I was always well taken care of and never scared for one second. I love you both so much and am so thankful to have had you by my side.
Nothing has brought me more joy than my two baby boys. They are easily the greatest loves and the greatest accomplishment of my life. I am the luckiest mommy in the world!