Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, May 2, 2020
7 Ways to Keep the Marital THRIVE ALIVE in an Ever Changing World
It is a crazy time and one filled with a looooooooooot of family time.
Not only during a global pandemic, but life in general is constantly changing, so it should come as no surprise that your relationships would change as well. From meeting someone, to dating, becoming exclusive and hopefully committing to that person, you change all along the way and you may not even realize it.
The b*$!& slap that a marriage takes after having kids can often make or break couples. Pregnancy makes a usual rock-star of a Thriving Wife sometimes limited (the exhaustion alone is deadly) which only ends with the addition of a (wonderful and perfect) human joining the family dynamic. Don't even get me started on quarantine.
Amongst the confusion, frustration and uncertainty, It is important that we take a moment to observe our life in slow motion so that we can keep the THRIVE alive.
Easier said then done? Yes. But here are 7 tips to keep your relationship honest, open and to help you along the way.
1. Communicate: First and foremost, talk to each other and talk A LOT. Don't let the other one get off the hook with the whole, "Nothing's wrong" bit, that is a bunch of crap. You know it, I know it, so cut it. It's obvious something is wrong, so either come out with it or get over it. Discuss what you are feeling in the moment, hear each other, validate each other and make an effort to address the others feelings/improve in the future.
2. Know when to give space. If the other person refuses to discuss what's on their mind, then leave it and them alone. I know my patience runs very thin when my TH wants to pretend nothing is wrong when it is so totally clear that something is up. So, I just say, "Ok, well I am getting a different vibe from you which is telling me something is wrong, so when you are ready to talk I will be ________" and peace out. Sometimes no attention and some space is what the other person needs.
3. Be patient and understanding. Allow the other person to work it out in their own way. I know my coping strategies are much different from my TH. I like to work out until I can't move, he likes to sit and drink a beer in peace. We know that about each other and honor what the other needs. We help each other with the kids so we can have that "alone time" to reset and regroup.
4. Welcome changes and go with the flow. With change comes adaptation. Learn to adapt to the changes life throws you. My TH and I have gotten to know and appreciate each other so much more now that we have a house full of little boys. Our lives have changed dramatically but we have always been on the same page and see each other as our biggest supporter and teammate. We definitely have our moments of weakness where the world seems to be ending (ok, that is more my take as a I am a serious drama queen), but we always end up working together and working through everything we encounter...together.
5. Make time for each other. This is a BIGGIE. Once you have kids you lose a sense of who you are and start to be seen only as mommy or daddy. It is incredibly important to remember how it all started and how those precious little people came to be...you two. Even if it is a small hug in the kitchen while making dinner, or a taking a moment to collapse in laughter together as your kids have full blown melt downs over fruit snacks, stay connected. Spend some time each evening talking about something besides kid stuff after everyone is in bed and make plans to go out alone at least once a month (at least). Don't stop being each other's best friend no matter how crazy life gets.
7. Remember why you fell in love. When the stressful times come (weddings, homes, job changes, financial struggles, babies, babies and more babies) take a moment to step back from it all and remember who you are in this with and why. You chose your best friend, your partner and (hopefully) the love of your life. You can do anything if you work together, acknowledge the problem, and focus on a solution. Remember why you fell in love with this person and why you chose to share your life with them.
A very wise Thriving Wife once told me, "We had to remember the "me" mattered as much as the "us" and always work to keep balance"
Keep staying safe (and sane)!
Strive to thrive,
Em
Friday, December 20, 2019
How to Gift Experiences vs Toys This Year
This is it. Christmas crunch time.
The time when everyone is running around trying to get those last minute gifts, frantically wrap them up and nestle them under that glorious tree.
While I tend to be a "shop all year round" kind of gal, like my own Thring Mommy (always listening, grabbing things people want but then forget they want therefore making it more thrilling), I have started to noticed with my own kids, that all that shopping, wrapping, opening is well... really a waste.
It seems kids these days have so much that they cannot even really enjoy it all. I see this all too much with my own spoiled angelic boys. They live amongst toy overload. Thanks to me, they have everything they could ever want, and then some...it is just too much.
I had intended to do a "no gifts" clause at their last birthday party, but forgot to mention it on their invitations (a mistake I am still sick about) and it was rather nauseating to watch them open a seemingly endless amount of gifts.
They tore through one thing and on to the next without appreciating the thought and generosity of the person who purchased the gift. While everything was exciting at first, they soon moved on to the next until it was over...then went back to playing with their favorite old toys. I was heartbroken. Something had to change.
After a "too much" Christmas last year, a "too much" Easter, a "too much" birthday, my Thriving Husband and I decided that was it. We are done with the toys, the stuff the will forget about in one minute. Now we are focusing on experiences and as Ralphie from @simplyonpurpose would say, "Gifts of Togetherness".
This year we decided to spend all that Christmas money on things that matter, living life with our boys and making memories that will last far beyond Christmas morning.
Instead of loading the living room with stuff, this year we invested in Legoland season passes (best money ever spent for SURE), a few days at Disneyland with family and friends and ONE big toy for Daddy and his boys to do TOGETHER (what it is however, will have to remain a secret...)
Not only do we want to give them gifts of togetherness, but we also want to teach them to be appreciative and grateful for all they do have and cherish their things. As I slowly weed out old, broken or misused toys I look forward to not replacing them. Rather we talk about how to care for our toys (no smashing into walls, no walking on books...ect) to show that we love them. We want them to learn how to be responsible for their things while also showing gratitude for what they have and what they receive.
Well, we this year and every year here after are dedicating ourselves to teaching our children what Christmas is really about. Magic, family traditions and the exciting experiences that come all year long...together.
And don't worry....they will still absolutely have things to open on Christmas morning....geez, I am not monster!
What are your thoughts on Christmas gifts? Gotten out of control or bring it on, you love a loaded tree?
Strive to thrive,
Em
Monday, December 16, 2019
DIY Washi Tape Christmas Cards
I just cannot get enough of this whole Washi Tape thing. I mean, there is just SO much you can do with that stuff! With seemingly endless patterns, colors and designs I am constantly whipping up things left and right. With my growing collection of holiday Washi (thank you amazing mother-in-law), it was pretty obvi that I had to do something with it this year.
While gift cards used to be an impersonal gift, I personally feel that is not (and to be honest, never has) been the case. I can't think of anything I love more than someone giving me money I HAVE to spend. You can't put a gift card in savings. You can't pay a bill with a gift card. You MUST spend it...on something you want...ummmm, yeah, that is the best gift ever! Not that I don't try to find thoughtful gifts for family and friends, I do, but for most, the gift card seems the way to go.
Rather than throw the card in the standard store provided envelope, I decided to show my love this season through my Washi work. I grabbed some random opaque paper (I know, who has that around? my original plan was my trusty index card, but I happened upon the more festive paper), envelopes, metallic marker and my Christmas Washi selection.
I assessed my stash and decided to mix and match patterns. I went with one wordy one graphic and tried to choose two that contrasted yet complimented each other.
Once the cards were assembled, I reached into my stack of gift cards and matched the chosen "must spend money" to the loved on in mind.
A few more tears tape and I was done! Using my metallic pen I added the "to" and "love" and started stuffing into envelopes.
And just like that I was done. No major wrapping, no boring envelope, just a little DIY Washi-ing. I swear, Washi tape is the gift that NEVER stops giving! It adds a pizazz to any and everything. God...I am obsessed!!!
What is your vote on gift cards? Hell yes or No way? Washi lover or hater?
Strive to thrive,
Em
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
10 Tips to Staying Organized
Ok, you've done it. You've watched enough Marie Kondo on Netflix that you finally started getting rid of that clutter holding you back from living your best and most organized life.
That, or, you sat amongst all your cluttered crap and just watched in horror...and maybe cried a bit.
Whether you did it on your own (good for you!) or decided to hire me (hopefully), good for you!
Now, it is time to STAY organized. Here are some quick and effective ways to be mindful about your mess.
1. If you get it out, put it away. Once you use it, put it back where it goes. Everything should have a place, and everything must go back to said place. No matter what.
2. If you open it, close it. Drawers, cabinets, anything. Leave everything as you found it...closed.
3. If you try it on, hang it up. Literally, this takes two seconds. When getting ready, often things don't look right, feel right or you are on the verge of a clothes attack. Instead of letting things pile up in heaps on the floor, take little bit of time to hang it back up and put it away.
4. If you get it dirty, wash it. When you use a dish, cup or utensil, wash it and put it on your drying rack or throw it in the dishwasher, Do NOT leave things in the sink. Get in the habit of always cleaning up after you use the kitchen.
5. If don't use it, get rid of it. If you have ANYTHING you haven't used in the last six months, get rid of it! Let it go to another home where someone will use it. Free up the space in your home for things you DO use. It is time to let go and say goodbye.
6. If it doesn't fit, donate it. Saving that mini skirt hoping you'll be able to fit into it again? Well, don't. If you have a section of clothes you save for fluctuating weight (a bin of maternity clothes doesn't count) it is time to let go. If you wear it now and love it keep it, otherwise donation pile.
7. If it's expired, toss it. Go through your medicine cabinet and pantry to ensure things are up to date. If not, toss them.
8. If it's trash, throw it away. This is a big one for me, trash. GET RID OF IT! When you open a letter, DO NOT put it back in the envelope it came in, throw it away. Wrappers, cups, packaging and everything in between. Don't just set it down throw it away.
9. If it needs to get done, do it. Make a to do list and knock it out. I always have one going and am constantly adding to it and crossing things out. Make notes of what needs your attention, where you can see it and get it DONE!
10. If you schedule it, write it down. Whether a calendar on your phone or something in your home, if you plan it, write it. This will help you keep your appointments and commitments in order.
With these easy (and often super fast) habits you will soon start to see your neat and tidy spaces stay that way. It is time to change your mindset and change your life.
GET and STAY organized!
What other tips do you use?
Strive to thrive,
Em
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
My Top 5 Breastfeeding Must Haves
I knew with the twins it was breast or bust. I never for one second entertained the thought of formula. I actually got pretty sassy with an LC in the hospital who dropped the F-bomb.
I sought constant support from my local Lactation Specialists, I read and researched everything I could find and asked constant questions of friends. I pumped constantly to boost supply, dealt with nipples that felt like they were being seared off with a dull machete, boobs the size of watermelons ready to explode with each breath and never, ever questioned my body's ability to provide for my babies.
I tandem nursed the biggies for just over a year and was able to donate gallons upon gallons of stored milk. Dude was the same...accept I had a whole second boob to spare! I too nursed him for a bit over a year and was given the huge honor of being to share my milk with a close friend who too was dedicated to breastmilk. It was one of the greatest things I was able to do for someone I love.
It's easy to forget how challenging those first few weeks of nursing truly are. The honey-like colostrum requiring constant massage, milk coming in hard and fast making you sick with discomfort, the boob boulders, sand granules, fearing plugged ducts, bloody and cracked nipples, latch issues, the CONSTANT questioning that all this is normal...I mean it is no easy feat.
Now that the hard truth is out of the way, here comes the good truth.
As with everything pregnancy/birth, all that pain/discomfort is temporary. That hard work, that dedication, will (in most cases), pay off. Once your milk stabilizes, nipples turn to leather and you/baby get into your groove, there is truly nothing more amazing than being able to provide your baby with the most natural, perfectly created just for him "meals by mommy".
There of course are many mommies who really struggle and give it their all before accepting that bitter defeat. While I am no professional, I think early stress from any sort of medical or other issue can really play a role in affecting milk supply. I know from supporting close friends that the heartbreak they feel from giving up on breastfeeding was devastating.
But above all else, any mommy who loves and feeds their baby in any form is doing a great job.
Phew, with all that out of the way, let this (overly) milky mommy share my favorite breastfeeding products/supports. I would be LOST without them!!
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| CLICK & BUY! |
1. MILKIES MILK SAVER: Obvi, I couldn't use this with the twins as both of my boobs were occupied, but with Dude and after soaking through one too many T-shirts, I saw this and immediately bought it. I used it nonstop with him and have already been catching milk like crazy with Richie. It is so easy to use; just stick your nipple in, secure with your bra/tank and let that boob drip fill up that silicon saver. I usually get like 1-2 oz per feeding from just sitting there. No manual pumping required and always a dry shirt!! This is my favorite thing to use, especially in the first few weeks before I start pumping because I can build my stored supply without increasing my already over supply. Just be careful when you go to pick up baby... milk tsunamis are never fun.
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| CLICK & BUY! |
Thankfully, I am a quick study. This guy was a total blessing in disguise after having Dude. Being as I have too much milk and my boobs are on the verge of explosion constantly, I needed some extra relief after each feeding. I would catch on one side while nursing on the other, then after I swapped him to the other side I would pump out the rest of that golden goodness and then following him finishing on the other side, repeat. I LOVED the freedom of not being hooked up to the electrical pump while getting in more snuggles with Dude and doing little work for lots of supply. I have already used this a bit with Richie but only for comfort as I am not trying to kick up my supply any higher than it already is!
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| CLICK & BUY! |
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| CLICK & BUY! |
4. Earth Mama Organic Nipple Butter. Oh those sweet nipples. That phase between raw and leather is not an easy one. Thankfully Earth Mama has the most soothing nipple butter to ease some of that chappy, scabby process. I use it after each feed, before I use my manual pump and always before I shower. I love keeping those nips hydrated and calm...since it feels like fire torture at first with each latch. Aside from this being all natural and totally safe for mommy, another bonus is that it is safe for baby too! No more having to wipe off the lanolin from those tender feeding devices, baby can jump right on and you both can relax into a wonderful, snuggle filled feeding.
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| CLICK & BUY! |
5. Earth Mama Organic Milkmaid Tea. Just because I am a milk machine doesn't mean I don't continue to support a healthy supply! As an oatmeal and tea lover, a daily dose of this amazing, organic tea does the job to keep me freely flowing. With all the right herbs straight from nature, this tea is a must have for any milky mommy's pantry.
While this is only my five most used items, there are many more things I just can't seem to live without. Nursing tanks to holster my melons during engorgement (any bralettte is just too restrictive for me), organic cotton/washable breast pads and of course my favorite breastfeeding app for the new (or always anal) mommy; Baby Connect.
And of course no breastfeeding post would be complete without sharing my two favorite sites to troll while feeding and wondering if you are doing this correctly...Kellymom.comcom for ALL the things breastfeeding. And my personal favorite timeline breakdown, The Alpha Parent - Timeline of a Breastfed Baby.
As I enter my last breastfeeding experience with my last baby, I am soaking up every second of the good, bad, horrible and magical. I love me some breastmilk superpower and intend to live it up, pump it out and cherish this last wet n' wild ride.
As I enter my last breastfeeding experience with my last baby, I am soaking up every second of the good, bad, horrible and magical. I love me some breastmilk superpower and intend to live it up, pump it out and cherish this last wet n' wild ride.
Strive to thrive,
Em
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
How to Prepare for Lying In - A Postpartum Must
The rush of having a new baby is truly euphoric. The transformation of pregnancy, the pure magic in the experience of birth and the incredible emotion that takes over when you hold that sweet baby for the first time. A whole new life for you and baby is beginning.
That new life needs to begin with rest, healing and nourishing your miraculous body for all she has accomplished. Not getting home and throwing in a quick load of laundry before heading to Costco because you are out of milk *ahem, yes, I am talking to you...well myself that is*
Sadly, my last time around looked more like me getting home with a newborn, leaving him with his Daddy and big brothers while I quickly rinsed off the hospital cooties and freshened up my lady parts. and racing to unpack After a nurse session with my sweet baby, I hopped up, cleaned up the house a bit from my two day absence and started making dinner. BIG MISTAKE. Newsflash, you JUST HAD A BABY LIKE 48 HOURS AGO!! YOU NEED TO CHILL THE F OUT.
Thankfully this time around I am ready to apply what I've learned and the use the incredible struggles I faced previously to approach this postpartum recovery differently. I am going to put myself and baby first. The house will be fine if it is not maintained to my OCD/anal standards. The kids will continue to thrive with their Daddy and Maj taking care of their daily needs. The laundry will still get done, the dishes will be washed and everyone, yes everyone will survive. (This is my new mantra. I say it on repeat to calm my anxieties).
When I entered my third trimester, the time came to really develop my postpartum plan of attack. I was so grateful to have been given an amazing resource to help me achieve my new goals. I was also flabbergasted to realize that this "mommy bedroom vacation" I was dreaming up was in fact a legit thing that had been celebrated throughout cultures ,across the world for centuries. How had I missed that?!
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| CLICK & BUY! |
My MBV (Mommy Bedroom Vacation) was actually referred to as Lying-In. A time to rest, heal and bond with your newborn. When The First Forty Days was sent to me as a part of my trimesterly Mama's Bump Squad package, it felt like the sky had opened and Earth Mama sent me a gift from Heaven.
Well, that was that! I was ready to start sharing my new found knowledge and preparing for my Lying-In period. I was going to force myself to slow down and was actually looking forward to being able to accept that this needed to happen and I was the one who needed to make it happen.
So, now, how to prepare for this amazing experience...
1. CREATE A PLAN. To make this even easier, Earth Mama provides not only excellent information on the process as a whole, but also has a FREE and easy fillable document that prints into a lovely PDF for you and your support team to reference. Now you have an outline to discuss with your support team and have your goals ready to share!
2. GET YOUR SUPPORT TEAM UP TO DATE ON SAID PLAN. Obviously I knew my husband and Thriving Mommy were going to be the key players, so that was easy to establish. Having a plan for everyone to reference with what I saw for my week of bed rest and slow re-entrance into full mommy-ness made it easy for us to get on the same page. Since my main concern is my three little guys, it was good for me to be able to delegate responsibilities and discuss how I saw each person fulfilling the role I hoped they wouldn't mind assuming for a bit.
3. HOUSE/KID PREP. Channel all that pregnancy nesting into lists, tasks and getting organized for you to be out of commission. My goal is one week, which to me will feel like one year. I can barely handle sitting still for one hour let alone one week, but again, this is about healing...which considering I was up at about only two days after my C-section screams that I have a problem and need to rest. Get the house cleaned, the laundry done, sheets changed, kids foods/snacks restocked, menus made and any and all notes prepared for your team. The last thing you want is to be disrupted 300 times a day asking where the extra goldfish crackers are. Make sure everyone has access to your kid's schedule and that they know what they need/have to do. For example, Tuesday, sports camp. Kids need to be ready to go with athletic attire at 8:50am, snacks and water packed for after. Dude needs his own ball so he doesn't disrupt the activity... You can never be too prepared, trust.
4. PREPARE YOUR RECOVERY SUITE. Remember that time my husband got a vasectomy and had an amazing, calm, healing recovery suite all to himself for the weekend? Well take that times 1,000 and that is what you should get mommy! I will be staying in our bedroom which is slightly more tricky as the boys will have easy access to me and I will get to hear all their squeals/daily squabbles a they yell throughout the house, but everything is here where I need it. I am not packing bags to move downstairs, way too much.
I did vamp it up a bit, adding an extra bedside table with all my baby/mommy necessities (nipple butter, single manual pump, diapers, booby tubes, iPad, kleenex...the list goes on). I also have my "eating in bed tray" for constant calorie consumption of healing, nourishing foods (my mommy is all over that). I moved the changing table and little baby chair in my room for when I need to stand up for a second and/or take a quick shower. My linens are changed, my room is clean and I am ready to seclude myself into a sanctuary of healing and connecting with my last baby boy.
5. ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN. Now you are ready. You have your plan, you have done the leg work to prepare, you are set up and ready for action. Here comes the hardest part (especially for me), allowing it to happen. Allow yourself to let go of all those constant tugs at your mommy brain and let chaos ensue. Remember, it can and will all be put back again. So what if your kids eat In N Out for a week straight, worse things have happened. You will soon emerge from your recovery suite with a well adjusted, breast feeding champion baby and a stronger, healthier body ready to get your kids back on Spinach and Kale and into clean clothes. It will be alright.
Truly savor this time as it is so important and so necessary. You can do this mommy!
Are you ready to help yourself or a loved one with their lying-in period? What an incredible way for women to support one another through the greatest miracle of all...motherhood!
Don't miss my IGTV episode on the topic too!!
Stive to Thrive,
Em
