Thursday, March 22, 2018

Mother of Boys...Again!


Apparently, one should not write off "it will never happen for us", because just when we were in no way shape or form expecting it...it happened!

After two years of heartbreaking disappointments, one year of tests, trials and emotional decisions we decided to go through IVF to get our first boys.

Fast forward 18 months, I went through IVF again and got pregnant with our third boy.

Fast forward 15 months, I stopped breast feeding....and we discussed what was next. Even though I had always seen myself with four, my husband was perfectly content with three. We had the same conversation about 100 times (mostly because I basically needed him to say "absolutely not" before accepting it.


But, I also knew I couldn't go through IVF again. It was hell on my body and to be frank, I felt too old to go through it again.  I had three healthy, wonderful boys and they were enough. I accepted it, we were done.

I didn't worry about when my cycle would start up again, I knew my hormones were balancing out and my body was getting back into the swing of being free from people living in it or surviving off it.

The big question...How did I know? 

Well, I have had three bloody-ish noses in my life. One when I was pregnant with Clarke and J.R, one when I was pregnant with Mac and one when I was pregnant with this little man. While I had one in late December, my husband assured me it was just he weather changes. That made sense, the weather was rather odd lately...back to my sparkling rosé.

Mid January...again with the bloody nose. Enter also unexplainable exhaustion and a causal comment made by my bestie Mrs. G , "Maybe you are pregnant"...."Ha! I thought, fat chance"...yet something inside me flipped a little...apparently that was the baby.

I dug out a dusty old pregnancy test from 2013 trapped in the back of my bathroom cabinet and took it. POSITIVE.


I asked my husband to clarify the number of lines and compare to the box. He looked as if he was going to vomit.

Me - "Nope, this one is clearly expired, I'll go to the store on my way to work, Vons opens at 6am...it's fine, everything is fine...everything is fine...everything is fine".

Insert disbelief, panic, nausea, joy, terror...wait, is this what normal people go through?!?!

Keep in mind I had NEVER seen a positive pregnancy test aside from the one I took just to see a positive result for the first time ever after blood-work had confirmed our IVF treatment had worked. Needless to say, this was UNREAL. Those few years filled with negatives. Those few years of utter despair sobbing on the bathroom floor. Those few years of being an emotionless zombie with my heart cut out and a smile pasted on.

It. Actually. Happened. The odds were in our favor.

I know "they" say that lots of women get pregnant after IVF, but I was certain it would never be me. I mean yes, I had secretly prayed and dreamed, but never did I think it would happen.  That in itself made the news even that much more surreal.

Goes to show the power of manifestation is legit.


What was even more insane to me is that I had finally come to terms that we were done. My experiences being pregnant were over, my love of breast feeding would never happen again; it was on to phase two of mommyhood.  Or so I thought...

After two additional digital pregnancy tests, a confirmed blood test and an ultra sound it was confirmed. SIX WEEKS!

And now, I am in about to embark on my second trimester having my FOURTH son and my husband is already meeting with urologists...his decision.

Who would have ever guessed it. Not me, not even in my wildest dreams did I think this would truly happen. But it did, and I cannot imagine feeling any more complete than I do at this very second.


Now, here are the top 5 FAQ I've been getting -

1. Are you sad it isn't a girl? Yes and no. A girl would have been unchartered territory for me which if you know me, makes me rather anxious. The thought of it excited yet kind of terrified me at the same time. The main reason I always wanted a girl is because I am so incredibly close with my mommy and wanted a similar relationship with my future daughter. However, being a boy mommy is my JAM and I love it so much, so this is AMAZING news as far as I am concerned...plus I have everything I could ever need!

2. Are you going to keep trying for a girl? No. I am all done. Four kids in five years is plenty. I am ready to get my body back and just enjoy raising my crew of men.

3. What are you going to name him? Since I am 100% sure my Poppa sent this angel down from Heaven for me, I of course want to name the baby Poppa...just kidding...kind of. I want to name the baby Richard (after him) and call him Papi for short. Fingers crossed that gets approved by my TH.

4. Why were you so shocked? I mean, didn't you know this could happen? I think to go through what we went through kind of took a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I have been trying to explain it by comparing it to the Lotto. Yes, you play, but you never think you will actually win, so when you do it is hard to comprehend and takes time to process. I still sometimes pinch myself even though I am fully popped and there is no denying it. Another reason I had a hard time comprehending what was happening was I had mentally closed the door on that being a possibility as I decided to not undergo IVF again, which for my brain, made it harder to really grasp.

5. How is this pregnancy different since it was spontaneous? The best part has been medications prior to conception which means I avoided packing on those 15 hormonal pounds pre pregnancy which make me CRAZY! I have also been able to keep with my normal fitness routine which has also been such a game changer. I still felt like crap for six weeks with a sweet hangover about 18 hours a day. Still super tired and even found myself randomly falling asleep for minutes at a time during the day. Still same amount of crazy excitement, joy and amazement at the female body and it's ability to grow freaking human life. I mean how cool are we?!

So there you have it, my "Mother of Boys" title shall live on as we expect our little love to join our family this September.

Looking forward to keeping you all up to date and I grow my fourth and final little boy!

Strive to thrive, 
Em

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