Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Can My Love Language Change?

We've talked quite a bit about the 5 Love Languages - what they all are, and which ones we feel apply to us most. Lately though, as I transition into a new phase of my life, I wonder if author Gary Chapman would say it's perfectly normal for a person's love language to change throughout the course of their life.

My Love Language has always primarily been Physical Touch, but right now after having a baby and breastfeeding him exclusively for the past 10 months I'd say I'm kind of "touched out". Not that I don't love my TH's affections, or that I don't relish in baby cuddles whenever I can, but I'm beginning to notice a shift in the types of interactions I enjoy most with TH.

Quality Time is typically one of the first things to suffer when that bundle of joy comes home, in a way. Our new version of QT simply includes BK for the most part, but we still need some alone time to reconnect and have adult, non-baby centric conversations. Since that is more rare, I find myself missing it a lot more.

Words of Affirmation is another LL that has taken on a whole new meaning. As new parents, we live in constant fear that we are doing everything wrong and screwing our child up forever. Granted, we know that isn't really true but it's a pretty normal feeling while we figure this whole thing out. That's why hearing what I'm doing right from TH becomes something truly magical, even if it's just something simple like "you look very pretty". Every time TH throws something like that my way it stops me dead in my tracks and I fall in love with him all over again.

Gifts and Acts of Service seem to hold their same value for me at the moment, although AoS certainly plays a huge role in our home as it's TH's LL. It kind of plays out like this lately...
TH: "Thank you for being such a sweet wife and great mom, sweetie. BK and I are so lucky to have you."
Me: *runs to kitchen to clean dishes*
I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to another LL yet, but I am pretty sure the lesson here is that the key to this philosophy is finding balance among the languages you connect to most, and always checking in with your spouse to make sure things haven't changed - especially after a huge transition like marriage, buying a home, or having a baby.

Have you noticed you or your spouse's Love Language changing at all?

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