Friday, May 17, 2013

Take the Weakness, Share the Strength

Sometimes relationships are hard... very hard.  Sometimes it feels as though your partner is the only thing holding you together.  Sometimes it feels as though you are the only thing holding your partner together.  I know this all too well after the year my TH and I have had.  After a serious move down South to start our "real life", we first had to get through his probationary year at work.  When he was going through his background check, a lovely gentleman came to our home in the middle of nowhere and took a closer look into his life.  That also meant a show stopping interview with none other than me... I killed it of course and am 90% sure I was the icing on top of his hiring process.  I mean who wouldn't want to hire a guy with a super nice, organized, clean, well spoken, healthy wife like me (not that I am tooting my own horn or anything, well maybe I am a little bit... toot toot!).

As we were chatting away, he asked me if I knew what I was getting into.  If I really understood what the probationary year of a fire fighter looked like and if I was ready to handle that.  I of course said, "YES!" as I felt so confident in my ability to juggle it all and we had already done it once, so what was the big deal?

Well, the big deal was the fact that this new department was the real deal.  No more small town nonsense, this was big city fire fighting and probation was going to be a killer... or so he warned me.  I got myself all fired up and assured him I was ready for anything; I was ready to motivate, support and conquer this next year and get through it together as we had for the past eight years... if he got hired that was...

When we made the move and my TH started his grueling year filled with mental mind games, back breaking work and tests that would bring a normal person to tears, I started to see my lovely husband disappear and a cranky, stressed monster take over his spirit.  I would have NONE of that.  I had promised myself, him and the background investigator that I would be his rock and that is exactly what I intended to do.  My TH was weak so I had to be the strength that kept him going.  If I broke he too would crumble and as a master of mind manipulation that was NOT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH!

So my big girl pants went on and I fought to find just a bit of my husband in the monster.  I motivated him when he was at his lowest, I fired him up when he needed the extra drive to push even harder than he thought possible, and I did my best to keep him focused, positive and continue to put out the energy he wanted to get in return.  I had to put my own feelings aside and take his stress outbursts knowing he didn't mean them, put on a smile and quickly leave the house to stop myself from crying in front of him.

Some days were worse then others, but the 365 day countdown was long, tumultuous and challenging, but we made it.  And, like most challenges in our marriage, it has only made us closer and stronger. I had taken his weakness and shared my strength (even if faking it to make it) to never allow him to get down on himself.

As we approached his last couple weeks of probation I noticed my husband starting to claw his way out of this monster he had been trapped in.  Suddenly, as I was freaking out about this nightmarish house hunt (more to come on that later), here was this strong, resolved, confident and supportive man I had been missing for oh so long!  He started to take my weakness and share his strength with me.  He continues to be everything I need and always keep me calm, focused and positive.  Wow, how the roles do change... Thank G for Thriving Husbands, Thank G!

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